Hey people out there, its been 3 years since i last used this blog. Because i felt i didn't have a use for this anymore at that time. I went on made a couple of good friends along the way and we had lots of fun. But why am i back here, blogging yet again in this post? Because i can safely say, i can't take the pain anymore. I need 'someone' to talk to. This whole situation is as follows; I made a good friend in year 2 of my Poly Life, initially we were just soccer buddies. As time went by, we played soccer together, we talked about soccer together, we literally felt we could connect with each other. I felt really glad, i felt really happy, i thought i finally found a real friend.  As more time pass, we begin hanging out with each other, went out to the movies together, we grew closer. Within a year, we became Best of Friends. He was my first ever Best Friend i had. Why was he my Best Friend? Because he never gave me up, he never left me alone, everytime when i needed a listening ear, i needed a hand, he's always there for me. The best thing is, he's always caring for me. As someone who hasn't had a true friend before, this feels like heaven. Our characters attracted each other. Initially as we both are 'virgin' to this Best Friends' relationship, we actually got a friend to help, my friend actually helped us to bridge that gap between us which was merely just how to talk to each other regarding problems that arises. We went through that together, end up being able to talk to each other ourselves and didn't need that friend to help anymore. But as more time go by, things start getting a little unstable. We begin to know more about each other's character as we went deeper unknowingly because i believe as you know someone better and longer, you tend to unknowingly know them deeper and whatever they says and words they use become more impactful. The most awesome thing is that, he changed himself just for me. He used to be a person whom don't care that much, just live his own life, and loves his free time. He changed to became caring towards me, and caring about what happens to me. But perhaps what went downhill was that hindsight on my part, Which is not giving him that space he needs. In every relationship/friendship the most important factors are: Communication, Understanding and Trust. Perhaps he tried telling me till he grew tired and didn't know how to tell me anymore. And my fault was that i didn't understand him enough. The trust is there though. What was the reason we were best friends were also, initially other people made fun of us, mock us as lovers. It caused us alot of problems at that point of time, but we went through it together, got an understanding together. We quarreled alot like how best friends do, really bad ones, but we came to an understanding at the end of it. When 2 people get comfortable of each other, they also tend to take each other for granted. That's human's nature. I admit that i did in fact that him for granted at times. But i realised that and stopped doing that as much as i could. Because we were almost talking everyday since we became best of friends, i think he somehow became kind of tired talking everyday. Honestly believe it or not, i had that feeling earlier than him, but i managed to overcome it by trusting him and taking things slower. I know he might not get a chance to read this, but i still wanna say that bro, i wanna let you know that i understand what you have been trying to say already, I just wish that you wouldn't give this up, i just wish that we can work together like how we did when people mock us previously, when we had huge quarrels. 

For this 3 years of awesome friendship, (1st year normal, and 2 years thereafter Best Friends) you gave me not only my life back, as i used to be really lonely and emotional, you actually shaped my life, you molded me to be a better person. For this i'm eternally grateful to you, i would even give me life to pay you back for it. You gave me happiness. For a boy who has only his computer as his only company everyday after school in secondary days, and being bullied everyday in class, you actually changed his life. The thankfulness and happiness is something which i cannot explain in words. Thus why you're my best friend. I know on my part, i wasn't that awesome to you, i wasn't here when you had relationship problems, i couldn't be there when you POP-ed, all these i deeply regret. I wished i could turn back time and be there for you. I know we both are 2 guys who think alot. That is inevitable. You used to advise me, to teach me that, whatever if i was thinking that is troubling me, just let you know by telling it to you. So we can try to solve them together. I heeded your advise, i begin telling you. You responded calmly by giving my advises, suggestions and ultimately solving the issues together. I was glad i said because we eventually solved them. Now in fact, its the other way around. You have issues that are troubling you, its my turn bro to help you. Would you tell me about them? I'm ready to actually solve these with you if you're ready too. You can always rely on me, use me as a pillar. Because that's what Best Friends are for. I know in the past my habit was that i always pressure you with my texts, and that you had to reply, or else i would be angry and all. But you told me about this and i realised it myself. I stopped doing that because i would rather sacrifise the texts than losing you. I know you feel that I don't really appreciate things you do for me because of what i say. But i want to let you know again that, i really do appreciate the things you do for me. Whatever you did for me, its all etched in my heart. Like the recent one, you went Hong Kong and bought me a shirt, although its a little big, and normally you know me, i wont wear loose clothings, but its from you, and its the thought that counts. I really really love it very much. On my 21st Birthday, you made me a card, a card that i never received before in my life. I said that casually to you while we were working 6 months ago (from my birth date), and you remembered. How touched i was you should have known. I wanna say that i know you really well, although i seldom say it to you. 

I shall say it now.
1. You value your free time the most.
2. You value friendships
3. Your family matters number 1 to you.
4. You're strong on the outside, but a totally different person inside when someone knows you well.
5. You love having those little funs (Eg, playing dota2, PES, and other stuffs that me and you know of.)
6. Your fav colours are Blue, Yellow and Purple.

There are much more that i know of you, I just think this isn't an appropriate place to put it. 

Bro, I want to let you know that, The term 'Best Friends' means best friends. You said lets just be good friends. But honestly bro, being just good friends will not solve that problem we have. What i'm trying to say is, why not we tackle the problem together as what we normally did? Using each other as a motivation to push forward. I know these are times when you grow really tired, but hang on bro. Don't give up just yet because i haven't gave it up. Just hold on to it even with your one finger. There was a period whereby i used to feel this way too bro. Just that i didn't tell it to you. But i did what i told you. I told you what was affecting me, and if you remembered i said before, i needed a break. But i never once no matter how tired i am said about giving this up. Because i felt there isn't a need to and it isn't worth giving it up. What happened before happened bro, shall we just move on and care only about things that are happening now one at a time? I'm willing to be here for you whatever may come, think or thin, you just need not say you wanna give up. Friendships is just like a 100m running track. Initially its like the figure below, We start off equal.

This figure shows the care, concern and whichever we do for each other.

(A) 0m ---------------------------------- 50m ---------------------------------- 100m
(B) 0m ---------------------------------- 50m ---------------------------------- 100m

Taking A to be you and B to be me. In our friendship its normally this;

0m ------------------------(A) 40m--------------------------------------- 100m
0m ---------------------------------------(B) 60m------------------------ 100m

I'm not saying that you do less, i'm saying its because of your character. And i don't blame you for that. But when a problem arises. Let's say you have an issue, or you're troubled. The figure belows shows you what i mean.

0m ------------------------(A) 40m-------------------------------------- 100m
0m ---------------------------------------------------(B) 80m----------- 100m

What i meant here is that, when you're troubled, my care and concern is increased (not drawn to scale), it means i'm ready to catch you in case you fall, or i'm ready to listen to your troubles. I know this is vice versa because i've been there when its you at 80m.

But what i trying to really persuade you and tell you is that, i never once gave up, can you don't give this up too? Let's work things together, and not stress about unnecessary things alright? I ask you when you honestly, When you stress about these things, you think about it, why are you stressing? Are things that bad bro? Are things really that bad that is unsolvable that we need to sacrifise this friendship? Are we not able to work things out? Bro i believe you can bro. These are some questions i'm leaving you to ponder over.



~ Once you found your true friend, you will never let them go because there are just too hard to let go of. ~




Blogged @ 4:30 PM
~Always be waiting for you~

People get angry, sad, happy or feel rejoice with each other is bcos they care about each other. If your good frens get good grades for his/her subjects, or passed a job interview, u would feel happy for them. If your fren scolds u, say words which hurt u unknowingly, u will feel angry or hurt. that's bcos u care for each other. Imagine if this stranger walks past me and scolds me, using words which can actually make me feel sad when a fren says it, might jus not affect me at all. i most likely might even think hes crazy and say 'siao ar'. I believe every human being also need some form of attention. Amount of it depends on individual. Everyone needs attention from their parents, siblings and of cos frens. Besides family, i believe u guys will also think dat frens play a very important part in our lives as well. As for me, i feel that sometimes i care too much for people. sometimes treating them very well. But the bad thing is that i hope too much for something similar in return. Sometimes the people i really care about say or do things dat hurt me unknowingly, apologies are said, but i somehow m stil hurt. i dono why but perhaps i'm born like dat? i need a longer time and some thing to cheer me up before i can back to my normal cheery self. And sometimes yes i indeed need attention like u all as well. Many of u all good good pals out there can be my best fren.. but always when it comes to this part when i 'wanna clap, the other hand isnt around'. i want my best fren or my best bro to be able to 'sense' when i'm sad, and when i want my best fren/best bro's company without me saying it. And when i wanna accompany u, i hope that you will be doing the asking instead. Some of u i wanna brothers with u guys for a reason. i dont jus pick any random guy on the street and say, "hey, lets be brothers." One fact is that i'm born towards the more emotional side, meaning i get touched easily, get hurt easily and laugh 'easily'. I hope with this blog post u guys understand me a little bit more.



~~~maybe....
..... i'm born....
..... differently~~~
Blogged @ 11:19 PM
~Always be waiting for you~

This post is just some thoughts and feelings for today and a few days ago... Just thot maybe by blogging it down will make me feel better....

Initially, when we met, miracuriously (<-- hope i spelled it correctly) i realised we could 'click' very well. Even today i stil think so too even after all dat have happened. As the time and days passes by,... Even though we have a 'special name', i realised that i seem to be losing dat sense of belonging and bond between us.. And dat feels really really sad.. Maybe its cos when i realised u guys are very close with each other and have many things in common, i think i naturally took a step back and later jus couldnt find a way to step back forward.. I don feel jealous or envious.. I jus feel dat i wanna be part of u guys. And at times, i even felt 'extra' cos i cant find a way to talk with u all when u guys are talking.. Its oso a feeling of being inferior.. (If u guys think why din i tell u guys this face to face, its bcos i dono how to put it, and it will be very uncomfortable and awkward if i were to do so...)

Well... I think i will see how it goes for the nxt few days or weeks... (hope u guys read this =/)Hope it will change for the better...

~Happy on the outside, not as happy on the inside~

P.S. Don ask me who they are.. Cos i wont say.. Readers will noe if they are the ones the moment they read it. Thanks =)
Blogged @ 2:14 AM
~Always be waiting for you~

hey hi guys! lol its been ages since i last posted. hahas been almost half a year. Honestly i did not have the mood to blog at that time. Yea until today i suddenly had the urge to wanna blog yet again. Yea and schools' fine so far. Can say can cope la lol. okok.. Yup and Term Test are coming up! they starts on monday for me until wed. AND i haven even started studying!!! =( And oso i have noticed that i have been more slacked this sem than last sem. haha don seem to have that motivation to study this sem. Maybe its cos of various problems and oso the late dismmisal of sch which makes me super tired aftr dat. yea and recently i joined I guides sub comm and met wonderful people, good models and most importantly good frens =) And i'm glad to have known u guys! =)

Yup my school ends at 5-7 most of the time now this sem. only on friday i get to dismiss early at 12 =). And 1 of the major problem that could be causing my mood swings and affecting my motivation to study is about this girl. Why m i so flustered over this girl? u guys mus be asking. well u can say she's cute, loveable and she totally melt my heart. but the most important thing is not those! Its cos i really like her like lots and lots and lots. I tried giving her up before once, but then i realised i felt totally nth for other girls dat i see. no matter how chio u look u stand in front of me i will most likely only go, " orh". *nods head twice*. yea and its not because that i felt nth for other girls dat i go back to her. its cos i realised dat ultimately i stil like her and m stil thinking of her subconsciously. An example of wat my heart felt at that time, for exmaple u get a cup of plain water, add in 3 teaspoons of sugar and start stiring and try to dissolve the sugar, u will find that no matter how u try, u cant dissolve that small portion of sugar that will be left behind. That was wat i felt. I myself thot dat i had given her up. but then again i realised later that it isnt true. Yea but the hard truth is dat she currently don like me and maybe never will.. and yea it is indeed one-sided. I really hope i could really make it two-sided one day.. Many of my good frens and brothers told me to give her up and move on. But it doesnt mean say give up means give up one sia.. if u guys ever come across someone dat u truely love u will definitely feel the same thing as wat i feel now. Cos i feel that i'm willing to give up everything, and spend my entire remaining life with her. But for those pervious girls i liked before, if i were to find the situation not working out or rather she don have a thing for me, i would have said,"aiya nvm la don care." dat was last time with previous girls. she is totally different. And many times i wanted so badly to call her up and chat with her.. but i'm jus afraid she would not like it or would have gone to bed. And oso wanted to get gifts for her. but i gt rejected everytime i asked her out.. =( it wasnt downright rejection, but she's always busy with something. haha and yea my waiting for her is gonna be 1 year soon. I dono how long more i gotta wait but lets see how it goes. =) I really hope i find the right direction soon. =)

And another thing dat might be affecting me is abt certain friendships. Yea i dono if its only me but i realised dat my class isnt as close as previous sem. well not the whole class.. its our clique.. and we seroiusly talk lesser. we haven sat down and chatted happily in kinda long while alrdy. And i feel dat we're all slipping apart.. This brings me to the nxt point which is on my other frens.. I'm afraid dat i might lose u guys one day cos we seem to be conversing lesser and hanging out fewer. And yea sometimes i get the lonely and empty feelings is because when i nid to talk to good frens and brothers when i'm down or feeling unhappy, sometimes they wont be there for me. either cos they are busy or perhaps some other reasons. sometimes don even reply. As i have stated at the right hand side of my blog.. I'm a person who nt only treasures relationships, money etc. I really treasure friendship alot too. dats why friendships can oso affect my mood. These feelings oso occur when i'm afraid that that particular friendship might be falling apart and m afraid to lose such a good fren/brother. Cos if its jus a normal fren i honestly tell u i wont bother much. no offence though. And i really hope that those good friendships i have now will last long and withstand all ups and downs dat come by no matter how severe it is. And yea to end off, til today, i stil strongly believe in this, Truths and Tears clear the way to a lasting friendship.

Love u guys! =D cheers and good luck all for Term Tests!
Blogged @ 1:27 AM
~Always be waiting for you~

Hey guys. Its been some time since i last posted. haha. well been kinda busy with school.. bleah.. anyways, let me first talk abt wat actually happened today... Woke up for school kinda later than i supposed to wake up. So in the end asked mum to send me to school. Met feng yuan, lukie, joel, marcus at mushroom. Den went to EPT lesson. We did alot of soldering, fixing, cutting and screwing today cos we have to hand in a DC circuit (?) by next week. And its worth if i'm nt wrong 50 %? haha. yea so i think i pass this EPT pass le HAHA. Yea aftr 3 hrs of work, sch ended so we went to have our lunch at Design's canteen. Aftr which we decided to go to the Student Lounge to play pool. We played pool for approx 2 hrs and 30 mins before i think Joel asked if we wanna play Monopoly. haha yea and den we started playing Monopoly from around 3.30 - 5.30. Then aftr that i came home for dinner. And after that i slacked and played dota. And Finally BLOG! haha..


Anw.. Today, let me share a story wif u all..

[ Two adventurous boys who were good friends were out exploring in the forest when they found what appeared to be huge bear tracks. They bravely decided to keep going, but they moved ahead slowly and with extreme caution. Suddenly, from the darkness behind a rock jumped the biggest, meanest looking grizzly bear they have ever seen. Scared to death, the two boys decided they had better run for their lives. As they were running, one of the boys dropped to the floor and started untying his hiking boots. he whipped his boots off, put on his running shoes, and began tying the shoelaces. The other boy yelled at him "Come on! Let's get out of here! Why on earth are you changing shoes? We don't have much chance of outrunning the bear anyway!" Lunging to his feet and starting to run, the first boy replied, "I don't have to outrun the bear. All i have to do is to outrun you." ]


Do u guys noe wats the meaning to this story? It means that the fren is being self-centered and not sparring a thought for his fren. Or maybe even don really treat his fren as a good fren.

To me, this story seems to tell me something.. I feel that through this story, i realised that a good friendship is built by going through ups and downs and also being able to withstand them. And trust and honesty also plays a very important part in a good friendship. Being forgiving is also important. So my point here is that.. Treasure your frens, if u tell your fren that u will be there for him/her when they nid anyone, make sure u do the action too not jus the words. Make the feel it. And also don take them for granted. =)

With that, i would like to end today's post with a quote,
"Truth and tears clear the way to a deep and lasting friendship."

Cheers! =DD
Blogged @ 12:32 AM
~Always be waiting for you~

Well this few days i was kinda busy with school work and oso recently was sick for a few days. Ya, so now i'm somehow fully recovered and found some time to blog! haha. yea so here it goes.

Well recently many things happened. But i'm not gonna go into detail of wat happen and who were in it because i have to respect the their privacy. The main concern here today is abt misunderstanding and miscom. this happened to one of my fren. But as i said no names. =) Lets name the person "A". 'A" was in a situation whereby some ppl were ignoring "A" or rather they were trying to avoid "A". it was not only once but a few times. Wat if it was the other way around? Wat if u were the one dat is being ignored? And i have talked to "A" abt this. "A" said dat "A" did not noe wat "A" had done wrong to deserve dat type of attitude from the people. "A" had not much chance to ask or talk to the other party.

And my main point here is that if you are affected or rather angry by wat the other party said to you, u should tell the person. For example, take me as an example. I initially did not noe dat many people did not like my attitude which partly includes "accusing" or "assumption". People told me this issue. Dats when i realise it was affecting them and was making them not pleased abt it. Dats when i can change wat is not pleasant or nice towards ppl. And i'm trying to change it now. Same goes for "A". If the other party don tell "A" wats cause them to avoid "A", "A" will never know wat "A" had done wrong or done smth dat was unpleasant for them. I'm not saying "A" had done smth wrong. But its jus dat the matter will only get worse and worse. Because similarly in my situation, if no one had told me abt dat issue above, i would stil remain as my old self. Which displeases many. Same here. And the 'avoiding game' might oso affect the person's self esteem. which in the long run can never be gd for a person. And this is an example of a Miscom.

Another matter which i wanna talk abt is abt friendship. Even though our clique may be splitting, (*shrugs*) u guys will stil be my frens. But through ups and downs, i finally found a grp of true frens in the class which i can really rely and trust upon in good or bad times. Its not i don trust the rest, its jus more and less. This grp of ppl include, JingYan, Lucus,Bryan,Joel,Shaun and Junwen. i really love u guys. (in a straight way of cos! LOL.). The rest maybe i jus don noe u guys well enuff yet. *shrugs* no offence totally btw. =) But i was oso quite disappointed with some ppl. u guys should noe who. especially 6 of u. =) cos i did mention before i guess. Some people(s) did somethings to me which i did not like made me rather mad and angry. But nvm, its over. I forgave the person/people. But those 6 ppl above helped me alot by giving advice, teaching me lots of things, comforting, and most importantly let me noe dat i have them thre for me whenever i nid them. One of them even gt himself into trouble for helping me. And many many tks for your help and very sry dat u were made the bad guy for the incident.

Friendship is like building a house. It takes a long time to build up. But by it takes jus a very short while to destroy. And wat i am trying to say here is oso dat u all should really treasure friendship!! like how u would treasure your family. thre is a chinese idiom saying smth like, "At home u depend on family, while when you're outside u depend on frens." yea with dat i gonna end this post here. Maybe u guys could ponder over wat i said in this last para. Cheers!! =))
Blogged @ 12:51 AM
~Always be waiting for you~

hey ppl. haha i really apologise for not posting for Very Very long. yea ALMOST A YEAR! no i'm jus kidding. Its i think about more than half a yr or so. Many things have happened since the last time i blogged. Which is on my bday thing i suppose. So well actually i'm now studying in Temasek Polytechnic for those of u who don noe. In a course called Media And Communication Technology (MET) in engineering school (engine rocks! o.o). Well i'm a very gd class. This class is called Q907 and is honestly but no offence one of the best class i have been in so far. lol. Yea.. i like them because they are lively, enthusiastic, and many of them are very trustworthy. And yea they are very nice people to know. And the way we helped each other these few mths thru studies and personal problems, i really like dat. i could click really well wif a few of them now. Means i could share wif them my thoughts etc. In simple terms, i trust them very well. Its not dat i don trust the rest. Its jus less and more trust.. lol hope u all get it. They are Jing Yan, Joel, Shaun, Bryan and Lucus. (Hey i wont forget the rest of my dear frens alrite!! haha. I would rather have Brother no Flower than Flower no Brother ;) ) yea and recently my class we oso went to east coast park as a class outing. Organised by jojo =D. Well we went cycling from the early afternoon till late evening. It was actually a very good class outing planned by jo and maybe a few others. Like we bonded and interacted more. some ppl did things dat they thot they couldnt have done. Like me, i did not expected myself to be able to go all the way to changi village and back. lol. Discovered things dat i did nt noe before this. Like Lukie, JY (=D) and FY can cycle quite fast huh. (rock on guys!) haha. yea and shaun is a gd blader. (Shaun rock on!) not saying the rest of u are not!! but jus they were a little faster than us. And jovina is another nice person to talk to. =D (rock on jo!) But indefinitely, there were a few setbacks.. Like some ppl could not find the rest. And oso bikes tires punctured. And oso we went back a little late to return the bikes. Yea but thre was a particular thing dat i need to say right here and right now. I wan to apologise particularly to shermagne cos maybe i kinda pissed u off dat day. I noe sometimes i complain a little too much and unnecessary but i'll change. >.< jus nid some time. But i'm really sry for dat day. But u noe, at the end of the day. i enjoyed myself very much. I wanna thank Jovina and those ppl who helped her made dat outing a success. =D Looking forward to more of theseee! maybe night cycling? lol. And last but not least, Q907 keep up the spirit and CONTINUE TO ROCK ON! LOVE YA! Muck!

AND ALSO! Many ppl have been asking me how m i? Like do i have a gf alrdy?? etc etc. Is the gal on fb ur gf?? hahaha. well.. i may like a gal or may not.. yea and i'm gonna c how it goes. alrite.. so STOP ASKING!! lol maybe i might have the answer at the nxt post. haha. aite cya!

*~Gerald~* ;)
Blogged @ 1:12 AM
~Always be waiting for you~